Here’s my sympathy line for the night: the scallops were a bit tough. What? Can’t use sympathy and scallops in the same sentence unless it involves gastro-intestinal rebellion? What is this war coming to?
Yesterday I saw something that had an effect between making me wretch and sending me into apoplectic shock. I went to talk with the LCDR EWO on the FOB, and he showed me his EWO notebook. I almost gag just thinking about it. Notebooks represent everything unwholesome and evil about the Navy. Every “program” has a notebook, and the health of a program can be measured by the status of the notebook. Back on the boat I had two very important programs, so I had weekly reviews with the captain for each of the notebooks. These reviews involved him initialing each blank that he had to verify review. Then, he would circle things in his purple pen. Sometimes he circled things that were overlooked or could be better, but sometimes he would make notes because when the captain makes corrections, it shows that he is involved in the program. Also, it didn’t matter what actually happened as long as the appropriate section of the notebook was filled out. For the training section of your notebook, you could have given the worst training in the world, but as long as the training worksheet had all of the I’s dotted and T’s crossed, training was effective. On the other hand, if one of your smart junior guys gave training on an area he was truly the expert on, you would get a purple circle because junior guys giving training is in and of itself a deficiency that needs correcting. No amount of explaining could make it better.
So I saw this notebook, and I was so proud of myself for not using the pistol the Army makes me carry everywhere. He had it all arranged perfectly with colored dividers and page protectors. In it he had a training program with lesson outlines check-in rosters. He had a qualification card so that people could “qualify” to become “experts” on this one stinkin’ lousy piece of gear we run. He even had award certificates for people who did qualify – “a little morale booster.” I know he meant well, but while my system IS important, it is a box that people flip a switch on before they ever go outside. It is easier to use than a radio, but they don’t have qual cards for radios. And training – let the guys rest when they come back from a day in the desert summer. If they have to do any training, let their platoon sergeants and squad leaders pick a subject that is important instead of some officer who is marooned out here making up a topic that will fill his notebook. That’s quickly becoming one of the big problems with this war. You have a bunch of people out here who want to justify their tax free status and "break out" from the other officers on the staff for the next promotion, so they make up stupid things to do. And make notebooks to track them. I think I’m going to be sick!
