A Matter of Perspective

Yesterday a bomb went off next to one of my trucks, a not uncommon event. No one was hurt, but the guys who were in the truck were fairly new to theater so it was a memorable experience for them. Part of my job is going out and gathering some data when such a thing happens, and as long as no one is hurt, it is one of my favorite parts of the job. Soldiers tend to be much more talkative and expressive after their trucks get blown up so it is easier to get to know them since otherwise I am one of the outsiders on battalion staff.

One of the junior guys in this truck was all grins, as you could imagine you would be if you just escaped from death to safety, and he was also completely soaked through with sweat. From the top of his blouse to the soles of his boots he was soaked through. In a grinning voice he said to no one in particular but also to anyone who may be willing to hear, “This is great: I’m so soaked no one can tell I wet my pants.”

I thought this was funny because I’m pretty sure if my truck got blown up I’d wet my pants. So would you. Or at least we would fully understand if someone did. Before I could even laugh, his squad leader busts through in a near perfect impression of the XO in the movie “Down Periscope”* and yells, “Start pushing,” so the soldier starts doing push-ups. As near as I can tell, the squad leader thought saying “wet my pants” in the presence of an officer on battalion staff was unprofessional while dropping a soldier who is covered in sweat and had nearly been blown up was redeemingly professional. I know better than to interfere with these things because Army logic and Navy logic on these matters diverge.

As Chief and I walk to the next truck in the group to gather the last of our data, she asks what that was all about with an incredulous voice. As has become my most common expression of body language living among the Army, I find myself shaking my shaking my head and shrugging as I recount the story. We are both bemused because Navy professionalism dictates that treating someone in a way to let all around know exactly who is the boss is highly UN-professional and could be called abusive of one’s authority. I say that this is a matter of perspective, but deep down inside in places that don’t get published on the internet I do not feel that way. I can’t say that, of course, but I will mark this down as one more event in my “Navy Appreciation” log which grows longer every day.

*I forget who the actor was, but he was excellent at playing the short, everything by the books as they are written in his head, disciplinarian to the point of comical autocrat who had a chip on his shoulder but no respect.