Armed Forces Network

Armed Forces Network (AFN) is the military television channel that provides American television for service members and their families overseas. On all of the televisions in public places here (the DFAC, various lounges, etc) we are treated to AFN Europe which has the normal fare of news shows from each major network, sports, and the various what’s-happening-in-the-military-today segments as every variant of AFN has. The difference lies in the spaces that would be filled by commercials if there was any profit motive. These commercials substitutes tend to be either low budget affairs put out by military units stationed in Europe or recruiting spots with higher budgets. They do have the added benefit of making you appreciate capitalism.

These low budget affairs range from amusing to disappointing. There are public service announcements suggesting that Europeans do not like rude drivers or rude people. There are security reminders to report suspicious activity. And then there are the Navy spots. Apparently COMNAVEUR has put out an open invitation for sailors stationed in Europe to break out their video cameras and embarrass the fleet. Today I saw a PSA encouraging professional reading which had to two sailors (who were only slightly overweight) at the base library to engaging in a reading competition of books of the CNO’s reading list. The winner of the competition did a victory dance wholly appropriate to the winner of a reading competition while the loser sulked in the background. It was disappointing, but not the most disappointing I have seen by far.

The most disappointing is a spot promoting “the Sea Chanters” or “the Singing Sailors” or whatever the COMNAVEUR’s choral ensemble is called. This group of peppy, smiley sailors apparently sings show tunes to entertain European dignitaries who have the misfortune to be the Admirsal’s guests. Judging by their commercial, they really get into it: I have never seen sailors smiling so brightly or dancing so spiritedly from the waste up while performing hand motions to songs from Broadway. From the waste down they were in the military at attention; from the waste up they were performers! Just to emphasize their combination of Naval tradition with jazzy, peppy performance style, they are wearing the uniform that midshipman refer to as service dress bozo which is service dress blues (the black, double-breasted suit) with a bowtie in place of the normal tie. It was only worn by those who had forgotten to turn their formal uniform into laundry in time for formal dinners.

If airing of this spot was limited to embarrassing the Navy in Europe I would not complain. Unfortunately, this promo is aired in our DFAC and is the only face of the Navy that many soldiers ever see besides mine. Soldiers tend to be a macho group who make up for any lack of brashness they may have with an excess of bluster*. The Sea Chanters are polar opposites of macho – let’s just call them a little too secure in their masculinity. So us sailors who have been abandoned by our service out in the middle of Army land have to deal with a service image of a bunch of smiling show tune singers. Thanks, COMNAVEUR.

*This gross generalization is based on an application of the 90/10 rule. 90% of your problems will be caused by 10% of your sailors. 90% of the extra time spent tutoring will be with 10% of your students. As Shamus the carpenter/mason/shepherd proves in the famous admonitory joke, 90% of your reputation is determined by 10% of your actions. So it is with my perception of soldiers. Most are decent people, or as Sean Hannity would call them, “Great Americans”, but the 10% who stick out in my mind are brashly blustery enough to claim that one can be tough and wear a beret at the same time. They argue that having over 40 pieces of flair on a uniform (have you seen Gen. Petraeus?) proves, PROVES military accomplishment. Thus even though my generalization is not true of all, in this case I do not feel the least bit hesitant to establish a rule using the exceptions to the normal.